By Krystina Jackson
Over winter break my sophomore year of college, I broke my neck snowboarding. The injury left me with partial paralysis from my chest down. Lucky for me, the brain is the largest sexual organ.
We are extremely sensual creatures. Even being paralyzed from the chest down, I find myself aroused by various situations. I have been as stimulated from an engaging conversation as I have from looking at someone I found physically irresistible.
1. Intention and communication
Rediscovering sex after disability has been a journey. Discovering mind blowing sex along the way, a delicious and very unexpected surprise.
So what does it take? Intention.You make it your intention not to reach orgasm, but to blow your partners mind!
In order to achieve this, I start with communication.A simple “what do you like?” or by telling your partner what you like;“it would drive me wild if you did x y z to me”.You want to be clear about your desires. Yes, you’ll need to discuss any physical limitations, yet try not to allow limitations to become the focus. Your focus should always be on pleasure.
2. Appreciate the build-up and sensations
Next, once you’re in between the sheets,exceptional sex starts with the intention ofthoroughly stimulating all of the senses.Imagine seeing someone you find so deliciously attractive, your mouth waters. Now, close your eyes and imagine this person close. Close enough you can feel the warmth of their body and can smell their perfume or cologne. With your eyes still closed, imagine them leaning in even closer, restingtheir cheek against yours while whispering something exquisite in your ear, “I’ve wanted you all day”.
You have yet to kiss or even embrace, but the tension is exciting. From a sensory standpoint, the interaction is extremely stimulating. The building of sexual tension, anticipation and arousal are key to a mutually pleasurable experience. Once the kissing, embracing and removing of clothingbegins you want to maintain an intense focus on your partner.
3 & 4. Don't let your limitations distract you and focus on your partner's pleasure
Following my injury, I felt embarrassed needing my girlfriend's help to get into bed and undress. I allowed that discomfort to distract me and completely disrupt the experience. Now, I don’t allow my limitations to distract me and I keep my focus on pleasing her. I enjoy watching my partner undress me now. We both enjoy the anticipation of what’s to come.
Throughout your intimate encounters,keep your focus and your awareness on your partner. Listen to their breath quicken as things escalate, watch the sweat bead up on their brow, feel the weight of their body on yours. Continue to simply focus on everything about them; the way their skin feels and looks pressed against yours, the sensation of the heat building between you as things get intense. You want to give your partner your undivided attention and create the most pleasurable experience you’re capable of.A good lover will return the favor in exchange.
After becoming paralyzed it was challenging rediscovering my erogenous zones and what would bring me to climax. Focusing on having an orgasm took away from the overall experience and ironically made it that much more difficult to reach orgasm. What I love about the approach of simply shifting my focus to my partner, is that it allows to relax and enjoy the experience rather then focusing on myself and what I can’t do.
5. Allow yourself time to explore and discover your own pleasure
As I have become more comfortable with my body and communicating my desires, I’ve discovered what’s HOT and would illicit the most intense, euphoric, lost for words, gasping for breath, legs shaking, mind blowing orgasm for my partner and myself. I have been living with paralysis now for more than 17 years. It’s been a long and interesting journey. It took years and a tremendous amount of courage to rebuild my confidence as a lover, but I’m glad I did…and she is too.
Read more about the adventures of Ms. Wheelchair California 2018