By Stephanie Delgado and Liz Klinger, CEO & Co-founder of Lioness
Masturbation is as much of an art as it is a science.
With biological and psychological forces at play, masturbating allows us to explore our bodies and preferences as individuals. Sex toys like the Lioness Smart Vibrator can help us hone in on that pleasure—but knowing where to start might not always be intuitive.
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering how to masturbate, look no further than these 6 tips and techniques! Also, if you don’t identify as a female but have a vagina, these tips are still for you!
Know what you came for? Jump ahead using the links below:
- What does “normal” masturbation look like?
- Do I need to masturbate to orgasm?
- I don’t always enjoy masturbating. Is that normal?
- How can I enjoy masturbating more?
- Are sex toys a normal part of masturbation?
- Does the same thing work every time?
What does “normal” masturbation look like?
Tip #1: If it’s safe and feels good for you, it’s normal
If you’re like most of us with vaginas, you probably grew up with a sense of mystery surrounding your anatomy and pleasure.
Between poor sex education and a history of science turning the other way when it comes to pleasure, it’s no wonder we even have to answer the question, what does masturbation look like and is it normal?
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away (like, literally when Episode III came out), there was a study that examined masturbation practices in the United States. That study showed that—at the time—38% of the women involved in the study ever masturbated over the past year.
Since then, pornography use has continued to rise among women and sex toys dedicated to those of us with clitorises and vaginas are continuing to hone in on the various things we find physically pleasurable.
So, if you’re wondering if masturbation is normal, the answer is an enthusiastic YES.
Now, what masturbation looks like is really up to preference. Here are just a few depictions of normal, healthy masturbation:
Humping and grinding
Laying in bed and suddenly super turned on? Grab your pillow and grind away!
Humping and grinding are perfectly normal ways for you to masturbate by stimulating your clitoris! Step it up a notch by contracting your pelvic floor at the same time.
You can thank us later.
Penetration
Whether you choose to penetrate your vagina or your anus (or both!), you are totally normal.
In addition to using your own fingers, sex toys are a totally normal way to add penetration to your masturbation sessions. As long as you’re using the right kind of lube and a good quality sex toy, the options for exploration are endless..
If you haven’t purchased your first toy, however, you may find yourself reaching for something laying around the house. While there is more risk involved here, it’s your body and your choice and totally normal if you’ve masturbated using a hair brush, tooth brush, or something similar.
No matter what you’re using to penetrate yourself during masturbation, just make sure you’re properly cleaning before and after. After all, your vagina’s health matters.
Shower heads and water pressure
Another totally normal way to masturbate, shower heads and water pressure provide a sensation similar to vibrators and grinding against your clitoris. (That is, a good one.)
While most people think of removable shower heads when they think of this masturbation technique, there are actually products out there designed to help you make the most of your bathtub without installing new hardware.
The WaterSlyde by Lovability is just one way to enjoy this totally normal form of masturbation.
See any that piqued your interest?
Chances are, you read through that very brief list and at least one of the three forms of masturbation stuck out to you as one you’ve done or would like to try.
If you haven’t noticed, that’s totally normal.
In fact, these behaviors are so normal, that they’ve actually been observed in children as homeostatic mechanisms. All that means is that these behaviors—before they are sexualized—are actually ways in which our bodies seek sensations that are pleasurable and make us feel good, safe, etc.
Once we reach puberty and develop libidos, some of these mechanisms make their way into our masturbation sessions—again, totally normal.
Now let’s move on to those masturbation techniques, shall we?
Do I need to masturbate to orgasm?
Tip #2: Masturbation is not all about the orgasm
Orgasms are great—there is no denying that—especially for those of us with vaginas. From vaginal orgasms to clitoral orgasms and everything in between, pleasure is something to celebrate.
Still, one of the best-kept secrets those of us who know how to masturbate can share with those of us who don’t is: it ain’t all about the orgasm.
Masturbating with the goal of achieving orgasm has the potential to ruin a good time before it starts.
Instead of masturbating to orgasm, focus on exploring your pleasure instead. One great way to improve your masturbation technique is to try new things and explore your fantasies instead of setting an end goal.
If you’re new to the idea of enjoying the moment while you masturbate, consider practicing mindful masturbation, sometimes referred to as “meditation masturbation.”
Using mindfulness as a masturbation technique is a great way to stay in the present moment and just enjoy your body. Whether orgasm follows is irrelevant.
I don’t always enjoy masturbating. Is that normal?
Tip #3: Masturbating is not always full of fireworks
While we’re on the subject of not masturbating to orgasm, it’s important to remember that you won’t see stars every time. This is especially true if you’re just learning how to masturbate.
Remember when you were learning how to ride a bike as a child? Unless you were a young Lance Armstrong, we’re willing to bet that when you first started you didn’t get very far and probably fell off a few times.
Masturbation can be like that—falling and all.
As frustrating as it sounds, self-pleasure isn’t something you will necessarily “just know” how to do. If you’re going to do it right and do it well, it’s going to require some practice and experimentation. And even then, you won’t always get the experience you’re hoping for. And even if you do know what makes you tick, having off days is totally normal. A lot can affect our experiences that may not be immediately obvious, including stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, medications, health conditions, and more.
Beyond that, biology exists to remind us that we’re ever-changing. As we age, our bodies go through changes meaning what worked for us in our teens and 20’s may not work for us in our 30’s, 60’s, or 80’s.
If you want masturbation to be as enjoyable as possible, go into the experience interested in learning more about yourself. Discovering something new, unexpected, and pleasurable about yourself is a firework all on its own, if you ask us... And there is always something new to learn!
How can I enjoy masturbating more?
Tip #4: Slow and steady wins the masturbation race
It’s Mother Nature’s cruel joke that the more pressure you put on yourself to do a thing, the less likely it is to happen.
We’ve written her complaint letters about this, but she doesn’t seem interested in changing the status quo.
Instead of fighting this nature, be patient with yourself while you learn how to masturbate. From our experience at Lioness, there is a huge diversity of time spent masturbating, in fact, our project with cannabis and masturbation shows this well.
While quickies have their place, taking a long time is not a bad thing when it comes to masturbation. Spending more time on masturbation and foreplay can actually result in a bigger burst of pleasure.
Sure, orgasm may not be the goal of masturbation but if you can have a better one when you dohave one, why not take the scenic route?
Masturbation Pro-tip:If you’re not used to slowing down while you masturbate, you may get tired (or worse, bored). If this happens, don’t force yourself through it. Instead, take a break and do something else. Return to masturbating another time, when you’re feeling up to it!
Are sex toys a normal part of masturbation?
Tip #5: Sex toys and masturbation are a dream team
If you’ve never used a sex toy, we understand it can feel overwhelming to choose one with so many options available. Obviously, we recommend the Lioness Vibrator because we made it and it is designed to help you explore your pleasure using data and biofeedback.
But limiting yourself to no sex toys (or just one) is a masturbation faux pas!
If you are like some people who feel ashamed to own a sex toy (or even just want one), we encourage thinking of sex toys as sex tools. Whether they’re designed to stimulate your g-spot, your clitoris, your nipples, or something else, sex toys are a great way to enhance your pleasure.
On the subject of shame, if you think you’re abnormal for wanting, having, or enjoying a sex toy (or a few!), think again. In this study, researchers found that cis-het women in relationships who practiced non-descrepant vibrator use ”(i.e. those who use a vibrator in both solitary and partnered contexts)” actually benefitted from incorporating sex toys into their sexual practice.
These women “reported greater sexual satisfaction than those with discrepant use, and they also reported a greater balance of sexual rewards to costs relative to women with discrepant or no vibrator use. The results of this study suggest that discrepant vibrator use is not related to sexual functioning but is related to sexual well-being in women with male partners.” (1)
Research has also debunked the myth that masturbation with vibrators leads to desensitization, so you don’t need to worry about limiting your sensations while you learn how to masturbate.
So go ahead: pick up those good vibrations!
Does the same thing work every time?
Tip #6: Try different masturbation techniques & fantasies at different times
When you’re learning how to masturbate, it can be easy to fall into a routine, especially if you’ve found something that worked well during one of your sessions.
We encourage avoiding pigeonholing yourself into these routines by trying different techniques and fantasies at different times.
If you found yourself highly aroused in the middle of the day while you flicked your bean in a public bathroom, don’t do this every time! Mix it up and find what works for you on a Saturday morning in your PJ’s before you’ve finished your coffee.
On the other side of the same coin, it’s important to remember that just because something wasn’t very exciting the first time doesn’t mean it will be underwhelming again.
Experiment by masturbating:
- At different times of the day
- In different positions/locations
- With or without sex toys
- With or without porn or erotica
- At various points during your menstrual cycle
- With or without a partner
Be on the lookout to try new and different things that interest you. And don’t cross something off the list if it didn’t work the first time and you’re still interested in it!
Practicing masturbation can make things more pleasurable!
The beautiful thing about masturbation is it only involves YOU(unless you decide to involve someone else).
While you learn how to masturbate, practice is key. The more you explore your pleasure using the masturbation tips we’ve mentioned here, the more excited you’ll be to masturbate—literally!
Citations:
- S. E. M. Gauvin S. Gauvin is a Clinical Psychology doctoral student under the supervision of Dr. Caroline Pukall in the Sexual Health Research Laboratory (SexLab) at Queen’s University. Stéphanie’s research fo. (n.d.). Picking up good vibrations: Discrepant vibrator use, sexual functioning, and sexual well-being in women with male partners. Retrieved October 27, 2020, from https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/19419899.2019.1679230
Want to jazz up your masturbation technique? Check out the Lioness Vibrator
Looking to hone your hone your technique with even further precision? Trythe Lioness Vibrator.
Not only does it amp up the pleasure, but precision sensors let you see arousal and orgasms so you can learn exactly what works for you.
Click here to learn more about how others have explored with the Lioness.
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