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3 Tips that make orgasms more likely
Whether you’re in love, lust, the mood for sex, or just the world’s best situationship, partnered sex is a great way to connect with someone. But if you’ve ever done the deed with a woman or anyone with a vulva, you may have found yourself wondering just how on Earth you’re supposed to make them cum.
If you’re wondering how to make a woman orgasm, this is for you…and I’m going to need you to pay attention really closely too because it may not be what you think.
You can’t make a woman orgasm
There you have it. I said the quiet thing out loud. You cannot make a woman orgasm. While I’m sure there are plenty of magazines and listicles out there that would have you think differently, I said what I said and I meant it.
There’s no secret maneuver or tingling lube, no magical one-size-fits-all sex toy, and certainly no length, girth, or digit more capable of the other when it comes to bringing a woman to orgasm.
What you can do, however, is pleasure a woman. And if you’re lucky, that will make a woman orgasm. But how exactly do you please a woman to the point of orgasm?
First, you need an anatomy lesson
Learning your partner’s body on an anatomical level is so important. So, if you’re still calling a woman’s genitals a “vagina” with no discernment, take a seat. Class is in session and it’s a crash course.
Here’s the 201 on “vagina” (but not really just vagina) anatomy:
- The vagina is the internal part of a woman/AFAB person’s anatomy.
- The labia minora and majora, clitoris, and clitoral hood are a part of the vulva.
- The clitoris is actually mostly internal. The glans is just the tip.
- The perineum and the anus aren’t considered part of the vulva or vagina (but they can definitely take part in sex; more on that later).
- The g-spot (if it exists at all) is generally thought of as being just inside the vagina toward the pubic bone, not the anus. It may be the stimulation of the internal clitoris or the clitourethrovaginal complex – the area where the clitoris, urethra and vagina meet up.
Second, let her tell you what feels good
So now that you know what your partner’s body parts are called, it’s time for the hardest part of your anatomy lesson: accepting that knowing what the parts of a body are called is entirely different than being an expert on that body.
If you’ve googled in search of answers for how to make a woman cum, you’ve probably seen the onslaught of “touch her here” and “make the come here motion” there. And while some of these tips are valid and may work for pleasing your partner, there is only one way to be sure: ask the woman in your life what she likes.
By letting a woman tell (or show) you what feels good, you’re getting pro-tips directly from the source. Chances are, her relationship with herself and her own pleasure have already helped her find what feels good and can help take some of the guesswork out for you.
Sex Educator Pro-tip: Much like the rest of being a human, pleasure is rarely black and white. There is a ton of grey area and what works for someone 9 times may not work on that 10th time. Preferences change, so don’t take what your partner says as an unchanging gospel. Let their pleasure evolve and change, and be receptive to that natural evolution.
Third, get creative (with consent, of course)
With no magic tricks promising to make a woman orgasm, getting sexually creative and exploring pleasure is a great way to find what works. So don’t knock all those guides you’ve read on how to make her cum, but don’t rely on them as what “should” work.
Instead, consider sharing them with your partner and asking them to do the same. If you come across information you’re both into, give it a try and see how it goes!
Photo by Deon Black from Pexels
It should go without saying but at no point should you just decide to try something you heard, read, or saw without your partner consenting.
Making a woman orgasm is an art
And like all good art, what one person finds pleasurable, another person may simply just not like.
If you’re having sex with women and people with vulvas, pump the breaks on what you think should work and let them tell you instead. Communication, consent, and creativity can go a long way…perhaps all the way to orgasm!
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